Of Clouds and Nebulae
"Computer repair in Staten Island has maintained our connection with the Empire, sir, but there does seem to be a problem," a stormtrooper reported, standing at the ready.
"Problem... what problem?"
"Plebe!" barked the trooper.
Wilson crept forward holding a touchscreen display. "Well it's just... you understand the temporal aspect involved in computing functions in a quantum sense?"
Benke Hugil smirked, "I do very much enjoy hearing primitive beings describe technology. What was your list of services again?"
"Uh," Wilson swallowed, "We at Tekie Geek provide:
- Managed IT services
- Business Continuity Planning
- Data Services
- IT Security
- Software Services
- Cloud Computing
"Cloud computing?" Benke interrupted. "So, your clouds make calculations? I say, computer repair in Staten Island is more interesting than I thought," and a stormtrooper at attention behind the commander snickered.
"Not exactly," Wilson continued, "See, there are servers in an array---"
"At the empire's infrastructural core, a world called Coruscant, data systems are maintained remotely through a system of microscopic machines so vast they make up entire planetary bodies."
"Yes, RUB3 helped me tap into several clusters like that to relay a signal faster than the speed of light using the hyper-hyperdrive algorithms which brought your vessel here. That's just the thing, there was a mistake earlier-- -it appears the rebel ship we noticed didn't actually arrive at the same time as you did. It appears as though they arrived... before---“
Benke felt an undefinable dread. "What?"
BOOM! Responded the plot, and an antiquated armored personnel carrier came rolling through a ground wall firing projectile rounds everywhere. A clutch of rebels was boiling over rubble where the tank came through, blasting stormtroopers with laser rifles and lobbing thermal detonators like they knew how to use them. One landed near a supporting strut and exploded, incinerating foundation pillars beneath the server room and blacking out Tekie Geek's offices entirely.
And, just like the passing of a cloud, the attack was over, and through screams and cries muffled by wafting smoke, Benke saw that the rebels had gone.
Wilson was coughing under a mound of rubble. Benke pulled him from the debris: "Why didn't you tell me the rebel ship in Central Park was a diversion!?”
"Well that's what I was getting to!"
"Next time just bark out: 'we think the rebel ship in Central Park may be a diversion, Commander Benke!', and don't bother with any technical jargon about computer repair in Staten Island! We come from a galaxy long ago and far away, and we've bridged time to get here! I don't need any blasted exposition on quantum mechanics!"
"But you asked about the cloud---"
"That was just so I could brag about The Empire's superiority! RUB3!"
The robot appeared as though from nowhere. "Yes, Commander."
"Do we still have a connection with Lord Vader?"
"What about the data we were storing?"
On the Plus Side
The comm-link in Benke's pocket buzzed and the Commander answered. A stormtrooper said: "Sir, there's no one here; the rebel starship has been deserted. It looks like a decoy, sir. But on the plus side, Mike Bloomberg has mastered that blue lightning trick--- he's been frying winged avian creatures and cackling like a villain."
Benke sighed. "Well, at least there's some good news."